What if My Ex-Boyfriends Wrote A Book About Me?


articles, breaking up, dating, love, My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day / Sunday, February 11th, 2018
 

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: And Other Stories I Shouldn’t Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi Drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends But Have by Hilary Winston is a perfect tonic against all the lovey dovey atmosphere Valentine’s Day usually creates. Though, I spent most of my life ardently pursuing love and all that is romantic, Winston’s collection of essays on the subject sobers me instantly of any romantic fantasies I may have. Her collection uncovers the cold reality lurking beneath the pageantry. 

Her inspiration to compile her romantic misadventures comes from a very odd place. One day, minding her own business Hilary Winston discovers at a Barnes and Noble in the “New Fiction” section, her ex-boyfriend wrote a book. In curiosity, she picks up this book and discovers the relationship between two of the characters bears an uncomfortable striking resemblance to their relationship. In relation, maybe, she decides to write her own book. Throughout the collection, she focuses on all of her failed romantic exploits. However her relationship to the gentleman (or cad in this case) who wrote a book about her is the centerpiece of her ex-subjects. She traces her relationships from her very first relationship to every subsequent man after until the publication of the collection.

This little tid bit inspired me to think about my past relationships. While thinking, I began to wonder what if my ex-boyfriends wrote a book about me. Frankly, I’m sure the book would paint me as a weak ass Wonder Woman. Tall, intimidating, a penchant for wearing red and black, and going to fight tooth and nail for what I believe in. All I’m missing is kick-ass fighting skills and an awesome accessories. 

Below is a few of the mock titles I came up with in my head.

In case you are curious here is a few samples:

Boyfriend #1: The Seduction of Ms. Van Saders

Boyfriend #2: Emotionally Distant Amazon Won’t Move to Connecticut with me after 2 Months of Dating and Other Strange Tales

Boys in between: The Filler Boyz, or How We Lasted Less than a Month in the Clutches of an Amazon Wannabe

Boyfriend #3: Less Emotionally Distant Amazon’s Heart Grows Too Big for Her Chest. Now Watch Me Break it!

 

 The Perfect Quote about Your Ex After a Break-Up

Hilary Winston discusses her feelings after finding out her ex-boyfriend put out on Craigslist for an apartment:

“I’d been with him or almost five years, and in an instant he’d become a stranger. Not just as stranger. A fucking loser, asshole stranger, who wanted to drink and fuck sluts, and live with a bunch of dudes” (98).

I find this quote the perfect way to describe how it feels to break up. For years, I have ardently read romances about people finding love. No piece of fiction I have ever read portrays the raw change of feelings when people part from each other. Winston boils it down perfectly. Many times, the old lover becomes a “stranger.” So much so, at times, you barely recognize the person. A few times in my past, I have seen the gentleman I thought I knew become complete strangers before my very eyes. On more than one occasion, I have been left scratching my head wondering what the heck happened. My preoccupation with romances left me unprepared to handle the downsides of love. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized romance novels are only fantasies. They are not a map on how love truly pans out. 

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